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Best Stories of 2022 (As Voted on by You)

2022 was simultaneously a great and underwhelming year for me. On one end, the quality of the stories has been top-notch, almost on-par with my 2021 work. The flipside of that coin is that I was only able to put out seven stories. The stars of these stories were mostly made up of my usual cast of muses: Alexis Texas, Kelsie Monroe, Jada Stevens, and Rose Monroe, bluvelvet alumni, are all back, with Mandy Muse here to make her sophomore appearance (and what an appearance!). Jayden James, who I don’t recall using before, has also been cast in my theatre of spectacle, and I’m happy to have her. Her ass did an amazing job in Know Not What They Do, where its importance took on biblical proportion (what an entrance!) We also have a debut performance from a non-star, which was appropriate, because her lack of fame in the porn world made her feel like an everywoman, adding to the authenticity of the story (A Bang and a Whimper). It’s the relative lack of stories this year which has made my time with these girls feel a little bit more intimate this time around. And I want to thank them all for being part of the family.

71 people voted this year, and while all the stories did relatively well, there were still some which came out as fan favorites. As usual, I keep the popularity of each year’s favorites in mind when it comes to future output. And also as usual, the moms in my stories get put through the ringer, and it was a delight to take them through this journey. The usual suburban sprawl of houses, malls, shops, and school made their appearance yet again, along with some more colorful settings in the form of police stations, college bars, court houses, block parties, Pakistan, the distant future, and even paradise itself.

Coming back from last year, I’ve decided to include a moral element to this list, where the moral of each story is addressed through using the story’s mom as an avatar of one or more “original sins.” The moms in my stories have always been a sort of human sacrifice, a way for us to become aware of our flaws, identify them, personify them, punish them, and, in a symbolic way only, rid ourselves of their full weight. A more secular way of framing it would be to call it Catharsis, as Aristotle did when referring to Greek Stage Tragedies. While I don’t think of my stories as tragedies (tragedies have bad endings), they do share a common structure with them, where the traits of the characters involved, when mixed with their situation, lead to the character’s undoing. With the stories this year, this dynamic is especially prominent. It’s because of this that I’m including another poll here, one which will ask you guys which mom you think deserved her fate the most: (Vote for 3)

Also, as another little form of categorization, I thought that I’d try my best to categorize the mom, bully, and son of each story as an MBTI type. Obviously this will be an imperfect process, but I don’t think it will be without value. Some stories will be a shot in the dark, as the characters won’t give enough detail to make categorization possible. In other cases, this whole process will be non-applicable, either because that character doesn’t show up in the story, or because they extend beyond singular personalities (stories with multiple bullies as an example).

With all that said, here is the list. If your personal favorites didn’t rank as high as you like, just remember that the lowest-placed story this year managed to captivate at least 30% of voters. Some people don’t like participation trophies, I know, but I think in this case they’re warranted. Without further adieu:


7) Duckling

Votes: 21 Percent: 30%

Mom: INFP Son: N/A Bully: ISTP

Duckling is an epic. That shouldn’t be controversial. That isn’t a statement of quality (although I think the story is one of the best I’ve written), it’s a statement regarding the story’s scope. In it, we see a mom character grow from a little girl, witnessing the moments that cause her to develop in ways we’ve never seen before in any of my stories. The style of the writing matures with the mom and matches the articulation of her mind as it grows to understand the hostile world around her, even mastering this world the same moments that the prose itself does. Duckling is Cheeks, except its satisfaction, far from being just that of well-deserved orgasm, also heaps on the relief of an empty bladder. It’s a love story where the real lovers are deceptively hidden in plain sight. It’s a story where something as innocent as a smile is forced to earn its legitimacy, only to then overshoot its mark and become the catalyst for its own suffering. It’s a story where we see the coveted ass in question grow and develop. The mom attached to that ass is tied in depth with my moms in Spanked and Wet Between the Cheeks. Luckily, the votes were relatively close this year, otherwise I’d never be able to forgive my fans for voting this one so low.

Seven Deadly Sins: Beauty

The mom in the first half of this story is an unequivocal victim. I don’t want to be unclear about that. It hurts to suffer through as witnesses what she suffers through as subject. I think though, this sense of empathy begins to fade as later parts in the story are reached. If the mom in this one wanted to retain our empathy, she should have thought twice about shedding her status as an ugly duckling. Because she didn’t exhibit that self-control, she deserves more than just a measly golden shower. She deserves to be stranded on a urinal cake.


6) Das Kapital (Let There Be Cum)

Votes: 25 Percent: 35%

Mom: ISTJ Son: ISTP Bully: N/A

Is this story a criticism of capitalism or a celebration of it? Even I don’t know. All I know is that watching the protestant work ethic worm its Anglo body into the private nooks and crannies of this spicy Hispanic home was truly a delight to bring to life. As someone who has to fight off my own lethargy in order to be productive, I can sympathize with this son, even if he’s only a caricature of those who live the NEET lifestyle, his mom being the poster-woman for the type of mom who has tolerated it for too long. In the end, the wheel of society has to turn, even if that push is an agonizing one. But can anyone blame young men (and women) who don’t see much to be gained if they rather not contribute to the society which marginalizes them? One reader put it perfectly in conversation with me when he described the story as “a son learns to join the workforce in a way that’s soul-enriching instead of soul-crushing.” It’s a story about somebody finally living the dream: getting paid for doing something they love. I’m sure even his mom’s butt cheeks can learn to clap to that.

Seven Deadly Sins: Industriousness

Not only is the mom selfishly contributing to the waste an excess of our world through her own productivity, but she’s demanding her son do so too, all while refusing to share her excess wealth with him. Living up to the story’s name, isn’t all the son doing by extracting wealth from her body no different than seizing the means of production? The son united in revolution with the sons of my other stories. He had nothing to lose but his chains!


5) Know Not What They Do

Votes: 27 Percent: 38%

Mom: ENFJ Son: INTP Bully: ENTJ

According to my vote analytics, this story is more beloved in America than anywhere else. That makes sense. The story’s Christian themes, racial politics, sense of exhaustion with media sensationalism, sense of suburban isolation, and its atmosphere, which is made specific with the ever-present ringing and scent of spent gunpowder, make this one especially American. Though in general, 2022 has been a year of very American stories. This one dredges up the perennial truth, that no matter how baked into our very essence the story of Christ’s persecution is, we still can’t help but recreate it in our daily lives, no matter how much we try and avoid it. Whether it’s the sacrifice of the brother character to save his mom, the ravenous crowd at the sight of Jesus Parrerez on the court steps, or the way the media, and the world who consumes it, eats up the final persecutory image of that poor mother, her ass impaled on the probing eye of journalism itself; everybody in this story is a sacrificial lamb.

Seven Deadly Sins: Martyrdom

Parrerez may be revealed to be a Barnabas at the end, and the brother a John of Baptist, but the mom, in becoming a living blasphemy against the Christian lord and savior, establishes why her persecution was in fact justified. The mom in Samsara was punished (justifiably) for not heeding the words of the Buddha, choosing worry and earthly concern over inner-peace. The mom here receives the same treatment (justifiably) for her attempt at trying to be God incarnate. Your ass may be great sweetheart, but don’t flatter yourself.


4) Spy Vs. Spy

Votes: 31 Percent: 44%

Mom: ISFP Son: INTJ Bully: N/A

The thrill of chasing one’s idealized object as it flees and moves ephemerally through space like an exotically-striped gazelle hopping through obscuring trees in a meadow… The son here chases his prey, hoping to catch whatever beauty it carries with it, its existence small and remote and hard to articulate fully, except when captured in its full glory and presented as a full and definitive package to third parties. The clear metaphor here for me is writing itself. And while I don’t share the same arrogant chauvinism that The Shadow here seems to possess, especially in the way he treats others who work in his line of amusement (I for one love all writers in this genre), the sense of perfectionism and even a little competitiveness is as real in me as it is in him. In the end, his greatest subject, whether he realized it or not, was his mother herself. For me, that’s a subject I’ll be trying to capture in her entirety for my entire writing career. I may never get there, but I’ll never give up. There’s just too much fun in the chase.

Seven Deadly Sins: Obliviousness

She goes the entire story without ever realizing her son is there. Even when he’s not trying to be invisible to her, he is. So can you blame him for exploiting her giant blind spot in order to make himself a legend, and she, as a result, into a perfect product of sexual humiliation?


3) Let the Right One In (She Is Legend)

Votes: 32 Percent: 45%

Mom: ESFP Son: INTP Bully: ENTP

Both titles to this are references to famous pieces of vampire fiction. The story revolves around a setting sun, a locked door and property rights, a predatory creature of a man who stalks in a black coat, and a loving husband heartbroken over the victimization of his wife. I could have just called this story Dracula 2022, and it would have made complete sense. Besides these connections though, this is my most mechanically sophisticated story, in that its entire action revolves around the state of a single door in a neighborhood of many. One of my detractors years ago called my stories glorified Rube-Goldberg devices. I would love to see him read this story, the one where his criticism is perhaps the most apt, while also being the rock which bursts open the hull of his argument, as this is likely up there with some of my best work exactly due to this story’s Hitchockian logistical elements. On top of that, it perfectly captures the sleepy safety of suburbia through its strange, almost artificial-feeling microcosm, of a small neighborhood street within a city that ostensibly lives on around it. The only real indication of the larger city’s existence comes at the fleeing of the villain, after he had already pierced the bubble of illusory safety that was that tiny section of Bluebird Lane. Pretty good for a story which had its origin in a 500 character post I made in the bangmybully subreddit.

Seven Deadly Sins: Neighborliness

The mom here goes through the entire story consistently failing to take seriously the threat that the father tries to make her believe in. The mom’s continuing belief that people are fundamentally good, and that nothing bad ever happens, is a naivete as old as time. As upset as the dad is at the end of it all, at least he has the satisfaction of being able to say “I told you so.”

Alternative Seven Deadly Sin: Being Alexis Texas in a bluvelvet99 Story

The second this mom saw who she was in the mirror, she should have ran to the nearest bomb shelter and barricaded its door with the bedframe. Even then, it would have been in vain. I always find a way.


2) Cheek Fever

Votes: 34 Percent: 48%

Mom: ESFP Son: N/A Bully: ESTP (father’s worker), ISTP (cab drivers), INTP (cousin), ESTP (his friend), ESTP (black guys), ESTJ (the cops), ISTP (The Rat), ENTJ (MacMillan), ENTP (the crazy man)

Another fan (if I was better at remembering names and who said what, I’d give them credit) called this one a Quentin Tarantino movie. That is such an accurate comparison, it shocks me I didn’t think of it while writing. Now every time I read one of its various sex scenes, I can’t help but hear the music that played during Marcellus Wallace’s rape in Pulp Fiction. For me, the film allusion I was going for was Akira Kurosawa’s Stray Dog (Remade in America as Running Scared starring Paul Walker), with the mom’s gorgeous ass being the lost and abused gun which finds its way around the city in increasingly madcap and comical fashion. The story is silly and impractical, but it’s far from empty. It’s an exploration of how culture, space, time, skin color, gender, and station may divide us, but deep down we all want the same thing. In one sense, this might be the most ‘bluvelvet’ story I’ve ever written, as it takes my usual fetishizing and objectification of the female ass to extreme lengths. It also ends with one of my favorite themes: The importance of family.

Seven Deadly Sins: Curviness

The mom in this one, in her unconscious state, comes across about a dozen or more characters, all of which see fit to have their way with her and her ass in one way or another. Keep in mind, this is a very diverse set of people. They share little to nothing in common, but for the fact that they all came to the same conclusion regarding what to do with her upon meeting her and her gigantic sleeping ass. It would appear that the common denominator here was her. Unless she wants to make the argument that the entire world was conspiring against her. Then we can just add narcissism as her secondary Sin.


1) A Bang and a Whimper

Votes: 43 Percent: 61%

Mom: ESFJ Son: INTP Bully: ESTJ

Trading Places was about revenge. La Grande Illusion was about equality. A Bang and a Whimper, being their logical conclusion, is about domination. These three stories together are a trilogy unto themselves. All three stories contain examples of the power white society wields over the non-white world. In Trading Places this happens through law. In La Grande Illusion, the tool is culture. And in this one, the method used for white domination is colonialism and international politics. In all three stories, the mom has lived a long life before the story’s first word, where she has every reason to believe that she’ll never face the reversal of her known reality. In Trading Places, the mom was kind and well-meaning, making her naïve to the fact that she would have to offer more than she knew to make things right. In Grande Illusion, the mom isn’t seen conscious at any point in the story, making her representation of a mythical version of “ethnically pure” France of the past seem almost like a mirage. In this story, the mom’s direct and aggressive galivanting toward places she should have been much more cautious of makes her both the best and the worst of these three moms. The best because it makes her a much more active and direct personality, stripping the reality of her whiteness bare (until the reality of her whiteness was really stripped bare). And she was the worst because she actively walked her white feet arrogantly through this brown existence, polluting it with culture and customs that were never asked for within it. She’s the female Cortez, a Christopher Columbus with an ass. In the end, the punishment she faces is a metaphor for the punishment of Europe itself. The fact that she comes from Australia, and not Europe proper, only underlines this. Everything about her, her very culture and birthplace, is colonial in nature. The title of the story, a reference to T.S. Eliot’s Hollow Men, evokes a sense of apocalypse. This is what this story is at its essence, no different than description of Ragnarök, or the Apocalypse in the Christian Book of Revelations, except that its violent clash isn’t between colossal wolves and gods, dragons and shepherds, but between brown thighs, pelvis, hips, and cock against a giant and defenseless white ass. That helplessness you feel, white man, is only the helplessness we’ve forced onto others. Now that the shoe is on the other delicate white foot, smothering its pink toes, we have nothing left to do but enjoy.

Seven Deadly Sins: Being White

The fact that she went willingly to that police station only made her an easier target, not a more legitimate one. At the end of the day, her fate was deserved for one reason, and one reason only. Her white skin and her blonde hair. A sin so grave, she’ll be paying for it until the end of eternity.


And that was 2022. Quite the year, and I’m happy to say that its low volume of output will be an anomaly. Especially now with the fan commissions, which, by the way, I’m still doing: As for next year, I already have a large number of story ideas I’m excited to put into practice, along with unfinished stories from 2022 which I’m eager to make whole and post this year. As usual, I love you guys. Thank you for making this journey into the deepest abysses (butt-cracks) of cuckoldry so fun and rewarding. We’ll be nearing up on ten years of bluvelvet99 content come this fall. It’s been a blast. Every minute of it. Thanks again guys! And happy jerking.

Oh yeah, and don’t forget to vote on the poll of which mom deserved it most if you haven’t already: (Vote for 3)

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